Our mother has dementia/early Alzheimer’s disease. She lives in
a small home on my sister’s property in GA. I wasn’t sure how I should tell her about Abby. I called her.
“Mom, do you remember when you told me the information on
your adopted daughters?”
“Yes.” She answered.
I slowly said, “I found one of them.”
The reply that came from my mother was one of shock and
surprise.
“My baby! My baby! I can’t believe you found my baby! It’s a miracle! Thank you God, it’s a
miracle!” She cried over and over again.
Never in my life had I realized how my mother felt about the daughter’s
that she’d given up so many years ago, but that reply right there told me; she
had been missing them their entire lives!
Tears were streaming down my cheeks.
“Mom,” I interrupted, “would you like to talk to her?”
Again another surprising answer, “Yes! Yes! Ohhhhh, Yes!”
I called Abby at work.
“Abby, I have Mom on the other phone. Do you want to talk to
her?”
I married the two phones together and listened in. What I heard
was almost too much for a heart to take. I heard my mother's heartbroken and sorrowful cries to the daughter that she had said goodbye to so many years before. Her tears shedding away 47 years of pain and longing.
I also heard the pained cries of my sister. She was like a little girl crying to her mommy for comfort. This was the woman who had carried her in her womb for nine months. This was the woman who had given birth to her. This was her mommy!!
Yes, it was a miracle. A miracle that none of us had ever foreseen taking place.
It didn't matter why at that moment. The only thing that mattered was that they were both there, on the phone, talking to each other!!!
Crying and comforting.
It was so heartbreaking yet fulfilling. This is what I wanted. This is what I’d imagined.
What a wonderful story.
ReplyDeleteI was just writing back and forth in email with the founder of what is called "Validation Therapy" which focuses on how to interact with someone who is experiencing memory loss, like Alzheimer's, in a way that validates their current reality, rather than trying to orient them and causing distress. I asked her how we could help mothers and adoptees who experienced pain and lost each other in their younger years as they age especially when memories come into play if they should develop dementia or Alzheimer's. Her reply was interesting and I think it is a conversation she and I will have to continue.
I am so happy that your mother remembered her daughter and was able to be in the moment to experience and embrace the re-connection. I am sure she is carrying that beautiful feeling with her everywhere she goes throughout her day :-) Alzheimer's is such a difficult disease. I am so thankful for all of the older adults who have loving, understanding, and caring family members who help them.
Thank you very much for your beautiful response. I am happy to be able to share with people who can appreciate the beauty and love in finding a loved one who has been missing from your life. <3 Blessings x Evy
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