Oh! My 'hole-y' ears!

Catching up seems to be so easy. Abby is so much like us. She's just like I dreamed she'd be. For so many years I thought, "I wonder if she looks like me?" or "I wonder if she looks like Mom?" Well, I was finally getting my answers.


Those first few days were like a whirlwind. Abby and I talked nearly every morning and every night. Sometimes she'd call three-way or four-way with one of our other sisters. 


It is always humorous when three or more of us get on the phone. For one, you can't get a word in to save your soul. Second, it's amazing to hear us laugh together. We have the same exact laugh...well..it's more like a cackle. Once one of us gets going, it is like a magical, laughing hex, and we have to begin laughing all over again.


She has the same sense of humor as us. How can someone, who has been out of our lives for so long (someone whom we've never even met), be so much like us? Are the genetics that strong? I would have to say,  yes, they are.


My best friend in Florida kept saying, "Evy, her hands are just like yours and your moms."


"My hands?" I wondered. I never noticed my hands much before. I began to study my hands and tried to compare them with the pictures that I had of Abby and Mom. She was right. We all have this strange way of holding our hands. Upon closer inspecting, I noticed that my pinky finger does not close properly.


"Hmmmm...." I wondered. "Beth, you're right. Our hands are the same."


That got me wondering, what else was the same?


During one of our late-night telephone conversations, I asked Abby to Skype with me. She agreed to go on with me and we came face-to-face (as much as technology would allow) for the first time.


It was really quite astounding to look at her face. She looked so much like me...and Cathy...and Connie...and Kelly...and Lori...


It was just something about the way that she looked. She looked like MOM!


We decided to study each other. Which is quite difficult when you Skype with someone. That's because you tend to stare at yourself and all of your own faults rather than stare at the other person. So we began to pick ourselves apart the way that sisters and best friends do.


"Look at my thin hair," I said.


"Look at my thin eye brows," Abby said.


Then I said, "Look at my crooked, deviated septum."


Abby came back with a surprising, "Hey, I have one of those too." She showed me. We sat inspecting each other's crooked noses.


"It's rare to have those," I said.


Then I thought, "Hmmm...I wonder if she has one of these!"


I began to pull the hair back, away from my ears. I told her that I have these 'pits' in my ears that are very rare, and that only Mom and I have them in our family. Oh, and my son Mikko has one. I have them in both of my ears.


To my surprise, Abby said, "Hey! I have one of those too!"


"No way!" I almost shouted!


"Yes way!" was her reply.


She pulled her back, and she showed me. There  it was, right there in the same place as mine.


"My son has them too, you know." She added.


I couldn't believe my ears ( no pun intended). I have gone my entire life and I have only seen one person with those same pits in their ears. I even read that only one per cent of the whole population has them...and Abby has them.


We stayed on the Skype until we were both falling asleep. We learned all about each other--from our aches and pains to the wit and humor with which we conquer our days.


She's amazing. She's my sister. She's Abby.

This is What I'd Imagined

After talking to all of our family members on the phone, I knew that there was one person who still hadn't talked with our new sister. That was our mother.

Our mother has dementia/early Alzheimer’s disease. She lives in a small home on my sister’s property in GA. I wasn’t sure how I should tell her about Abby. I called her.

“Mom, do you remember when you told me the information on your adopted daughters?”

“Yes.” She answered.

I slowly said, “I found one of them.”

The reply that came from my mother was one of shock and surprise.

“My baby! My baby! I can’t believe you found my baby!  It’s a miracle! Thank you God, it’s a miracle!” She cried over and over again. 

Never in my life had I realized how my mother felt about the daughter’s that she’d given up so many years ago, but that reply right there told me; she had been missing them their entire lives! 

Tears were streaming down my cheeks.

“Mom,” I interrupted, “would you like to talk to her?”

Again another surprising answer, “Yes! Yes!  Ohhhhh, Yes!”

I called Abby at work.

“Abby, I have Mom on the other phone. Do you want to talk to her?”

I married the two phones together and listened in. What I heard was almost too much for a heart to take. I heard my mother's heartbroken and sorrowful cries to the daughter that she had said goodbye to so many years before. Her tears shedding away 47 years of pain and longing. 

I also heard the pained cries of my sister. She was like a little girl crying to her mommy for comfort. This was the woman who had carried her in her womb for nine months. This was the woman who had given birth to her. This was her mommy!!

Yes, it was a miracle. A miracle that none of us had ever foreseen taking place.

It didn't matter why at that moment. The only thing that mattered was that they were both there, on the phone, talking to each other!!! 


Crying and comforting.

It was so heartbreaking yet fulfilling. This is what I wanted. This is what I’d imagined.

We Were Like Sisters

I called my best friend and I told her what happened. I read Abby's reply to my message. We both just cried and cried. I told her that Abby had left her phone number. She wanted me to call her. My phone was messed up and if I called her, I wouldn't be able to hear her. I was so nervous. I just wanted to run outside and be alone for this first ever phone call between us.


I knew that Abby wanted to speak to me just as much as I wanted to speak to her, so I gave her my number. A few moments later, the phone rang. I could barely walk, I was so nervous. I walked outside and away we went.


"What do you know about your birth mother?" I asked. She told me everything that matched the registry information.


Then I began to tell her about our mom and how the information that she just told me matched what I had to tell her. We began to discuss some of the other things that we knew. I told her that our mother and grandmother's side of the family are of Finnish descent. That's when Abby remembered, they had told her that she was mostly Finnish. Oh! Wow!


The conversation flowed like honey from our mouths. Who knew that two strangers could talk so comfortably? We began to discuss our similarities.


"Do your fingernails chip?"


"Are your legs skinny, too?"


"Are you a nervous person?"


The questions came out one after the other-- like a barrage of friendly, familiar bullets.


After speaking on the phone for over two hours, we decided that we would call our sister Cathy and talk three-way. All I can say about this one is, "WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN?"


Our conversation was so lively and gay! We laughed so much, if anyone would have heard our conversation, they'd have thought that we knew each other our whole lives. We had the same voice. We had the same laugh. We wouldn't allow the other people to speak. We were like...SISTERS!!!!


Abby got her two sons, my nephews, on the phone and we talked to them. They couldn't believe how much their mother sounded like these two new women on the phone. They, like us, were in awe.


After speaking with Cathy, Abby got my sister Lori on the phone, then Kelly...it was all coming together. We were catching up on lost time and we didn't even realize it.

Abby's Song

This song conveys the way that I felt before I talked to my sister for the first time.

I Finally Found Her!

After forty-one years, I finally saw my sister's face. I knew it was her as soon as I saw her. However, I wanted to make sure. After all, her name was not Abney, like it was on the registry, it was Abby. Also, her last name was different. I was afraid that my eyes were deceiving me and it was all wishful thinking so I had to look closer.


Her page was not private, so I was able to go and look at her pictures. She looked like me, she looked like my other sisters, and she looked like our mother. I looked around to see if I could confirm that she was the same girl from the registry. I came across the sames names that I had seen on the registry: her adopted parent's names, her adopted brother's name. This was her. This had to be her!


It was March 21, 2012 when I first emailed her. I said:

I'm looking for an abney lynn villanueva. She could be my adopted sister. Please let me know if you know of this person Thank you.

Then I waited. Ok, I didn't wait so well. I looked up her friends and began to request friends of hers. I asked everyone if they knew her. Yet, I heard nothing back.


Then, when I woke up on March 22, 2012, I received this email back:

• That's me! That's me!

• I am abney lynn avery now...please answer me this is driving me crazy!

After a long search, I had finally found her!

This is it!

The information that I'd found on my sister did a great job of ruffling my feathers. I wrote to an email to the address on the registry, but how long would it take for me to hear anything back from her? I waited until the next day. I decided to call a couple of my other sisters. I talked to Lori and then I talked to Cathy. I told them what I'd found.


The trouble was, I still hadn't received a reply. Surely this girl who had sounded so desperate on her registry post wanted to talk to me. I decided that I wouldn't wait. I did an internet search (or two hundred). I began with facebook. I put the name that I had found in the registry: Abney Lynn Villanueva. I could not find any Abney's but I did find some Abby's but none with that last name. What if she had gotten married? What then?


I knew I had to do something. Since she had put her adopted parent's names in the registry, I decided to do a search for them. I got a hit! I found their names! It showed that they owned a business and lived in Florida. If I could just find the phone number for the business. Where was the phone number for the business? It wasn't there.


I searched high and low for the business number but couldn't find it. I thought if I could do a people search, I could find them and get their phone number. I came up empty handed. I saw that there was another name, "Is this her brother?" I thought. He was living in Las Vegas. "Maybe this is it!" I thought to myself and I got excited before calling him.


When I called him, his voice mail picked up. "Hello, I'm Evy Kas and I was wondering if you know Abney Lynn. Please contact me if you do."


"Now what?" I thought. I knew I had to go on. I was so close. I did a couple more people searches on the names that were on the puzzle.


Then I thought, "Wait a minute. What if I put her old email address in a facebook search. Would that turn up anything?" I decided to try.


What do you think I found?

Girls in Pink...Boys in Blue

Anyone who has ever gone to college knows that Spring Break is a coveted time to either go on vacation to relax or if you have to stay home, it is a time to catch up on all those many projects that professor's load on you each semester.

My Spring Break was the latter of the two. I had planned on staying home. I had two huge projects for my Intro to Ed class, and, of course, I had that bear, that nemesis of mine, biology, breathing down my neck. Work was screaming for me to catch up or fail. My Spanish class was falling behind too and well, the health class that I'd ignored for a whole month could've used some love.

That first weekend, I had only relaxed. I told myself that I could push the workload off until the weekday. After all, I needed the rest. I had already worded so hard all semester. By Monday, I still hadn't gotten anything done. "Tuesday," I told myself.

On Monday night, there I sat in bed with my laptop propped on my lap. As was usual for that hour, my husband was asleep and snoring, and the kids, one on each side of me, were asleep.

I had checked my facebook messages, yet, I searched for more. I pinned a million pins on Pinterest. Then I put away the laptop and went to sleep, right? Nooo...I didn't. Instead, I chose to surf the internet. For some reason, I was lead to that old website from many years ago. You know, the one to find my adopted sisters? The one that I hadn't heard anything from in over ten years!

I wondered, "Has anyone been searching for me?" I wondered if I had had any hits at all. My email address had changed; after all,  it had been so long ago, I couldn't even remember which one I had back then. I tried one, it didn't work, I tried another, still no luck. "I guess I have to give up on this one," is what I thought. Not so fast! I don't give up that easy-I am very stubborn after all. We call that a Skinner trait--after my mother's parents.

After neither my log in nor my passwords would work, I wrote the tech people and asked them to send me the information. I told them the story that it had been so long ago that I didn't have the information anymore. After that, I was done. Right? Wrong! I decided to search the years again. You never know, maybe someone's name will pop up.

I saw many women who could have fit the description, but there is just so little information out there on some of the posts. I looked through the names to see if there was any type of connection. Many of them had a birth mother whose name did not fit our mother's. Then there were some that had close information. Those names, I searched on facebook. I thought, "Maybe if I could see their faces, then I could tell if they were my sister's or not."

I added many of them to my facebook. When there were no more names to look up, I gave up right!? Wrong! It's the Skinner stubbornness, remember? After the website offered no more names to look at, I went to search again on Google. Many of the sites offered false hopes, "Find Your Loved One for Free!" they lied. They were never free.

Then I saw that the state of Georgia had a website called, G'S Adoption Registry. Well, if Georgia had one, maybe Florida had one too. I looked and there I saw it, G'S for Florida! The years 1960-1970 were there, I clicked on it.

Names for boys were in blue and names for girls were in pink. I sifted through the early 1960s until I came to 1964. A little further scrolling and I came to the month of August-girls in pink, boys in blue. Nothing in August....scroll to September...no babies in Tampa or Tarpon Springs. I had to scroll to 1965. Here we go again...August...girls in pink, boys in blue...girls in pink, boys in blue...

Then, I came across a baby girl born on August 26, 1965. I looked at the information. It went as follows:

Birth mother's name: Pierce

 (what?! that's my mother's last name when she gave her daughter's up for adoption).

Birth mother's age at the time of birth: 3o

 (what!? that's how old my mother was in 1965. I was getting dizzy. Could this really be happening?)

Birth place: Tampa, FL

 (another checkoff).

I was lying in my bed and I literally got up and went into the living room. What came next was truly a gift from God:

"All Other Information: I have no hard feelings about my birth mother. I know she did what she had to do. She was 30 when she had me! She had either 2 or 3 children of her own and she was marrying a man who had a couple of children. That's all I know! Please if you know of anyone who knows me let me know. I don't understand what makes my Mother's right to remain anonymous more of a right that to know who she is! I am a human being and I deserve to know who she is, just as everyone out there that knows there MOM!"

Wait a minute! Stop the press! My mother had two children and she was marrying my dad, who had two children! This had to be it!!

I emailed the address on the registry. How could I possibly wait for a reply? Here it was March 20, 2012 at 4:00 a.m. and I had just, possibly found my long-lost sister!!

Florida Law Concerning Finding Birth Family

65C-16.016 Access to Closed Adoption Records.

(1) The confidentiality of adoption records, original birth records, and court files is protected by sealing them upon adoption finalization. Persons seeking information from those records will be referred to the headquarters Office of Family Safety for assistance. Florida law requires non-identifying information to be released to adoptive parents and adult adoptees but does not allow access to the record by other parties.

(2) Requests for information from closed adoption records must be written, and no information will be released by telephone. Because records must be indexed by names of the adoptive parents, that information must be included in the letter requesting release of information as well as some form of identification such as a photocopy of the client’s driver’s license or birth certificate.

(3) In order to respond to written requests from adoptive parents or adult adoptees for non-identifying information, the department or the community based care provider agency must be able to access the adoption records and other records which concern the adoptee. The department or community based care provider agency shall retain as confidential all records relating to each child who became adopted through the department’s adoption program. These confidential records shall be referred to as department closed adoption records and shall be retained in the circuit/region or in the community based care provider agency until called for by the headquarters Office of Family Safety for permanent storage.

(4) The department will assume responsibilities for the closed adoption records of private licensed child placing agencies in Florida who cease to operate.

Specific Authority 63.233 FS. Law Implemented 63.162, 63.233 FS. History–New 5-20-91, Amended 4-28-92, 4-19-94, Formerly 10M-8.024, Amended 8-19-03, 11-30-08.

Some Resources

http://www.gsadoptionregistry.com/florida/19601969florida.html


The above registry is where I found Abby Lynn. Below is what I found on her:


Adoptee Birth Date: 8-26-1965
Adoptee Gender: Female
Adoptee Birth Race: White
Name given to Adoptee by Birth Parents: ?
Adoptee Birth City: Tampa,  FL
Adoptee Birth County: Hillsborogh County
Adoptee Birth State: Florida
Adoptee Birth Country: USA
Adoptee Birth Mothers Name: ?
Adoptee Birth Mothers Maiden Name: Peirce
Adoptee Birth Mothers Race: White?
Adoptee Birth Fathers Name: ?
Adoptee Birth Fathers Race: White?
Adoptee Birth Hospital: St. Josephs Tampa
Adoption Agency or Attorney: Tampa Children's Home
Age of Adoptee when Adopted: 14 months old
Name given to Adoptee by Adoptive Parents: Abney Lynn 
City adoption took place: Tampa,  FL
County adoption took place: Hillsborough County 
State adoption took place: Florida
Country Adoption took place: USA
Adoptive Mothers Name: Gayle  LAw
Adoptive Mothers Maiden Name:
Adoptive Fathers Name: Ernest 
Searching For: Birth Mother, Birth Siblings, Medical History.
Email Address: 
All Other Information: I have no hard feelings about my birth mother. I know she did what she had to do. She was 31 when she had me! She had either 2 or 3 children of her own and she was marrying a man who had a couple of children. That's all I know! Please if you know of anyone who knows me let me know. I don't understand what makes my Mother's right to remain anonymous more of a right that to know who she is! I am a human being and I deserve to know who she is, just as everyone out there that knows there MOM! 
Date Received: 2-10-2009
Date Posted: 2-10-2009
Last Updated: 2-10-2009


Here are some sites that I went on for the state of Florida:


http://www.fortunecity.com/meltingpot/springhill/801/tornasunder/asrch/index.html




http://dlis.dos.state.fl.us/fgils/adoption.html

ADOPTION

Information (In-state)

Florida Department of Children and Families, Adoption Services (800) 962-3678 (Toll-Free) - In Florida Only (904) 353-0679 - Out of State 

Laws

Adoption laws in Chapter 63-Florida Statutes

Florida Bar Association's Information on Adoption Procedures

Adoption Records

Adoption records in Florida are sealed. A court order is necessary to obtain copies of the original birth certificate.

Reunion Registry

Florida Adoption Reunion Registry Florida Department of Children and Families 1317 Winewood Blvd. Tallahassee, FL 32399-0700 (850) 488-8000 or (800) 962-3678 Registration by written request only. Applications are available online. Adoptee must supply current driver license and amended birth certificate. For a copy of a birth certificate, contact the Department of Vital Statistics: http://www.doh.state.fl.us/planning_eval/vital_statistics/

Waiting List of Children and Adoptive Families

Florida Adoption Exchange (Florida Department of Children and Families) (850) 487-2383

Adoption Child Search

Questions or Comments 
Last modified Wednesday November 02 2011

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Copyright © 2004 - 2011 State of Florida, Department of State. All Rights Reserved and other copyrights apply.      Privacy    Send email to info@dos.state.fl.us

Under Florida law, e-mail addresses are public records. If you do not want your email address released in response to a public-records request, do not send electronic mail to this entity. Instead, contact this office by phone or in writing.

http://reunion.adoption.com/




http://adoptflorida.com/Reunion-Registry.htm (Information below):

Information Guide | Information Center | Assistance Program Links | Reunion Registry | Options for Pregnant Women| Home Page       FARR was established in 1982 by the Florida Legislature for people affected by adoption inFlorida to have the opportunity to reunite. Currently FARR has more than 6,200 people listed on the registry and is facilitating 6 to 8 reunions a month. FARR is operated by the state of Florida Department of Children and Families. Eligibility: Adopted Adults, Birth Parents, Birth Siblings, Birth Aunts and Uncles, Birth Grandparents and Adoptive Parents on behalf of their Adopted Minor Child. The way FARR works: If two (or more) people affected by an adoption in Florida lists themselves on the registry, then FARR gets them in touch with both parties. The registry is passive and does not actively search. Fees: There is a one time fee of $35 unless the applicant is able to provide proof of financial hardship (i.e. eligibility for unemployment, SSI, public assistance, etc.) In these cases fees may be waived. There is a fee of $10 to update information on the registry. Applications may be obtained from the registry: Florida Reunion Registry 1317 Winewood Blvd. Tallahassee, FL 32399-0700 Or Florida's Adoption Information Center 1-800-96-ADOPT (in Florida) or 904-353-0679 (out-of-FL) Click here for Florida Reunion Registry Application Florida Reunion Registry Application Update Applications are mailed within one workday. The Adoption InformationCenter also mails International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR) applications in the packet. Non-Identifying Information such as medical history and social history may be obtained by adults who were adopted. How one obtains non-identifying information depends on how the adoption was facilitated. Of the adoption was facilitated by a private adoption agency, the private agency has the information and should be contacted directly. If the adoption was facilitated by the Department of Children and Families, (formally HRS) or an independent adoption facilitated by an attorney or physician, non-identifying information information may be obtained by writing to : The Florida Post Adoption Services Unit, Department of Children and Families, 1317 Winewood Blvd. Tallahassee, FL 32399-0700 The Post Adoption Services Unit does not charge a fee for non-identifying information. Private adoption agencies may charge a fee for releasing the information. Some agencies charge a fee, others do not. For Additional information including local search and support groups, other State operated reunion registries, of International Soundex Reunion Registry applications, you may contact the center listed below. Florida's Adoption Information Center 4203 Southpoint Blvd. Jacksonville, Florida 32216 In Florida:1-800-96-ADOPT Out of Florida: 904-353-0679 adoptflorida@danielkids.org Florida's Adoption Information Center was created by the Florida Legislature to serve as a clearinghouse in every area of adoption. The Center has served more that 175,000 people since opening in 1994. As a free service, the Adoption Information Center provides adoption information and referral services to adoptive parents, adult adoptees, birth relatives, pregnant women and professionals. All Content Copyright 2011 - All Rights Reserved

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Asking for the Details

For years, I have thought about my two half sisters. After finding out in 1984 that there were two girls out there that could possibly look just like me, I just have not been able to rest.

For most of my life, I was afraid to ask my Mom for details. How would she react? Did she want to know? Would she remember the details? My Mother has dementia and she has been, for several years now, losing her memory. 


In 2001, when I got my first computer and found out how to use a search engine, I finally got the courage to ask my Mother for the details. To my surprise, she said that she would, indeed, like to find out where her daughter's were. She gave me the details as well as she could remember them. I wrote them down carefully. 


The first registry I went on, I guess, I thought it was the 'authority' on registries. I now know that I had:

1.  Complete trust that I would hear something back if there was a match 
2.  Absolutely no trust that I would hear something back 
3.  Been just plain naive

Fast forward to 2012, over ten years, and I never heard anything  back! That is when I decided to do another search. I began with the same one that I had gone on before. I had a different email address when I first began my search. Maybe there had been a some hits on that account. How do I know it wasn't full of girls telling me that they were my long-lost sisters! (Again, naivete!) There was nothing in that inbox.

The Agony of the Search

Searching for an adoptee isn't very easy. As a matter of fact, it is downright daunting! Why oh why do they have to make the rules so strict? Most adoption registries out there cost an arm and a leg. Other registries, you must search through pages and pages of archives.


Why couldn't they just have one place where you can add your name and have a match in the database or wait for a match. I know we don't have a lot of information, but we do have the birth mother's name, and well, the adoptee has a name. Why can't we just be matched?


Isn't there a law somewhere that can be changed?


Until then, the search goes on....


I'll never give up on you sister, where ever you are.


Evy Kas

A Poem for My Sister Abby Lynn

Abby Lynn, my sister, my new-found friend.

I knew that I would always love you,

and that I would search for you until the end.

How could I ever give up looking?

It was impossible,

There was a big piece of me missing.

The day that I saw you there,

It was almost more than I could bear.

Could it be true? 

What would it be like

If I talk to you? 

I was afraid to speak

The phone rang and I was afraid to walk

My knees got weak.

When you spoke, all my fears went away

You were like me, you were lively and gay!

You laughed like me, you joked like me,

The more we spoke, the more I could see.

We may have been separated for all these years,

But I can see laughter, beyond the tears.

You are my sister, and I plan to embrace you,

Maybe this year, maybe next, but here’s what I promise to do.

I promise to love you forever and always

I promise to make up for all the lost days.

And until we meet, remember this,

You’ll always have me, your little sis!!

How Did it All Begin?

The day that I first learned that I had two sisters that were given up for adoption was one of anger and hostility. I was only fourteen years old when I overheard the loud and agitated voices of accusation--prying my mother for the truth.


What I overheard was that my mother apparently had two children, both of whom were given up for adoption at birth. I didn't know how to process that information. "How?" and "Why?" were popular questions during that time.


I was the youngest of eight children, right?


My mother was married before she met my father. She married in a wedding that was fit for Princess Grace. There was photo album that covered her wedding in photographs. My mother, indeed, looked like a princess.   This man seemed like Prince Charming to my mother. She had two children with this man: My brother, Terry Pierce and my sister, Lori Pierce.


The fairy tale wasn't to last though. It wasn't long before my mother's prince began to hit and abuse her. After just a few short years of marriage and a husband who cheated on her, my mother ran away to her parent's house in Florida.


My mother's life wasn't one to be envied while living at her parent's house. I am not an authority to give details of her life at her parent's house--all I know is that after living on her own for several years as an adult, it must not have been easy for her. 


The first child, a daughter, was born in August or September of 1964 in Tarpon Springs, Florida.


The second child, another daughter, was born in Tampa, Florida, in August of 1965.


While my mother was pregnant, she was working at her father's business. A handsome and charming man kept pursuing her. He was not going to take no for an answer. He kept asking her out.  Finally, she gave in, they dated and he was amazing! He was even willing to adopt her child, even though he didn't know anything about the natural father. However, my mother was ashamed at what had happened. She didn't know how he could ever get past it all. Sadly, she did what she felt she had to do.


Years passed, not many people knew of my mother's daughters. No one spoke of them. It was all hush-hush. That is until one of my sister's, Kelly, went for her driver's license in 1984. It was then, she was told that she had two extra siblings on her birth records. Understandably shocked and perplexed, my sister ran home to my mother for questioning....that is when it all began.