Our Problems are Like an Onion

The aching in my heart for my family is not the kind of ache that you would imagine. 


Some people might describe heartache as glass shattering against  granite tile, however, that is not the kind of ache that my heart feels.

My heart aches with a gnawing sadness-- A kind of tugging, like a mule pulling a heavy cart might feel. 

I feel like my family has been torn apart.

For one thing, the family that was brought up together can't get along to save our lives. Most of us don't speak to each other. The other half that do speak, does so with malice and contempt for the ones that do not get spoken to. 

And now, this magical reunion that we had with Abby has turned into another round of heartache.

It seems as though time and distance can play a very large role in the lives of families that have adoptions. I have said before, in earlier posts, that siblings need a chance to get to know each other, and I meant it. 

My sisters have all, so far, failed to get along. Why? Where did things go wrong? I have been asking myself that every since I learned of the latest problems that my sisters were having.

I believe that the answer is more complicated than any of us can answer. 

I think that our problem is like the proverbial onion--layers and layers of stuff outside--and then once you get to the center, it makes us cry.

My sister Kelly said that we probably need therapy to deal with this problem. I would agree.

Each and every one of us have deep-rooted issues that we have within ourselves. I believe that unless we heal ourselves, we can't try to heal each other. 

I can look at each and every one of my siblings and honestly say to them that they need therapy--including myself. We have all been through a rough and crazy life. We all carry pain, heartache, addiction, depression, anxiety, and we don't know what to do with ourselves outside of trying to cover it up.

That goes for each.and.every.one.of.us.

I think that unless we heal ourselves, we cannot try to heal our relationships.

We have to be willing to open ourselves up to the pain that we feel in our own lives. If we don't, will we be able to deal with the pains that our siblings are feeling?

We have issues of abandonment, loss, aggressiveness, repression, unresolved feelings, passivity, distrust, lack of self-confidence,emotional pain, confusing fears, isolation, low self-esteem, fears, unhappiness,  and the list goes on and on.

Unless we confront these problems within ourselves, we will not know how to communicate with our siblings.

I feel that what has happened with Abby and my siblings is that Abby came into the family with her own set of problems--possibly abandonment and trust issues--and mixed them up with siblings who had their own set of pains--like loss and low-self esteem. What resulted was a clash of personalities and a clash of problems.

I can only pray that my family--each and every one of us--can find our ways back to each other. I pray that one day we can all sit down at the same table and laugh and cry and be what we really want to be...brothers and sisters. <3